The George W. Bush Resume

Past work experience:

• Ran for congress and lost.
  
• Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.
  
• Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas, company went bankrupt shortly after he sold all his stock.
  
• Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using tax-payer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to Chicago.
  
• With fathers help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.

Accomplishments:

• Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in America.
  
• Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog-ridden city in the U.S.
  
• Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money.
  
• Set record for most executions by any Governor in American history.

Accomplishments as president:

• First president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.
  
• In his first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job.
  
• Members of Bush cabinet are the richest administration in history. (the 'poorest' multi-millionaire, Condoleeza Rice has a Chevron oil tanker named after her).
  
• Spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.
  
• Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history.
  
• Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period.
  
• Set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market.
  
• First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history.
  
• After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided over the worst security failure in US history.
  
• Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president in US history.
  
• Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12 month period.
  
• Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history.
  
• Signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any president in US history.
  
• Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.
  
• Dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.
  
• Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in the history of the world.
  
• Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in US history. · Withdrew from the World Court of Law.
  
• Refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.
  
• First president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US elections).
  
• All-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.
  
• First president in US history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community.
  
• First president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1)
  
• First US president to establish a secret shadow government.
  
• Took the biggest world sympathy for the US after 911, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).
  
• Fist US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view his presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.
  
• Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
  
• Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated US law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.
  
• Failed to fulfill pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'.
  
• Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the United States Capitol building. After 18 months there are no leads or suspects.
  
• In the 18 months following the 911 attacks he has successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States.
  
• Entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.

Records and References:

• At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available).
  
• AWOL from National Guard and Deserted the military during a time of war.
  
• Refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.
  
• All records of tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to his fathers library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.